Thack You: Baby Boomers vs Kroger

Larry Thack’s…… pretty tired….thinks he’s gonna go home now.

Last week Kroger grocery stores announced that they were ending the Senior Discount Day. No longer will I awaken cheerfully on Wednesdays to get to the grocery store right at 5 a.m. It was more than just a discount. It was a time for us all to get together again, polish off our best stories for the checkout lady, or possibly rattle our canes at the self-checkout. We would clog the lanes searching for our “ink pens” in order to write a “personal check” after confirming that it will be accepted just as we do every week.
I decided to get to the bottom of these Krimes and contacted Kroger CEO Rodney McMullen for an interview. His assistant informed me that he was on vacation in Namibia doing one of those Safaris where they lure animals out of the zoos and hunt them. Said assistant understood my outrage and was fully prepared to explain the situation since he would “kinda hang around” the meetings sometimes. He explained to me that the senior discount was originally initiated as an appreciation for our “Greatest Generation.” My unnamed source went on to explain, “Those fine people fought wars and poverty with limited complaining, they deserve much more than a discount, but it was our humble way of showing respect. Now as those heroes pass away we are seeing a new generation in our stores on Wednesdays. A different group of people from the previous generation. I would be hard-pressed to outline all the reasons for the ending of senior day, but I did overhear enough to maybe explain it. Kroger sees this new generation as fully undeserving of the discount. In addition to losing the discount this generation must be punished for its various crimes such as its annoying activism and poor fashion of the ‘60s, Its failure to win a war, its appreciation for painter Bob Ross, capitalizing on the wealth of its parents while leaving the next generation in a worse place, and most recently its decision to elect Trump, which has destabilized the world grocery market.”
Kroger also charges the Boomers with selling America a “bill of sale” based on an idealism that actually resulted in legislation that “cripples their children and children’s children for generations.”
Apparently the Boomers are really good at voting. Their generation votes about as much as the numerous generations below it and the one proud generation above it combined! From governors to senators to Trump, the Boomers have overwhelmingly selected most of the country’s leaders over the years. So it seems like what Kroger is saying is this: If they are going to constantly screw up our country on Tuesdays, the last thing they should get is a reward on Wednesdays.

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