Thack You: New Year, New Me!

larry-thack-picture

Larry Thack keeps dropping his bar of soap in the rain.

I truly look forward to the Christmas Eve service at our church. Although the perfume haze that fills the air is toxic and the stressed-out congregation would stab you over a saved seat, I feel relaxed for the first time in weeks. This service provides me with the peace I need to contemplate the failures of another year gone by and create a plan for various self-improvements and revenges.
Regardless of the peace I now have, the children’s choir always makes me lose hope. The tiny, screeching voices lack soul. And I don’t mean from some ethnic musical sense, rather it’s the tissue-thin strength of their voices that carry out weakly over the congregation with only enough strength to trespass in one’s eardrums. These voices are then easily drowned out by the instruments that would follow. With my head in my hands, I can’t see what’s going on with the “orchestra,” but it sounds like they are dropping their instruments repeatedly.
Clearly I have only one resolution for the coming New Year: I shall assume control of the children’s choir and work it to a level of adequacy for next year. It won’t be easy. I’ll have to start hanging around the church a lot more. I’ll also have to hang around on Sundays AFTER the service and shake hands with people (shudder). After a couple of months I will have achieved the status of one of those guys that accuses people of not regularly attending the services. You know him; “Hey Larry, haven’t seen you in a while,” “Hey stranger,” “You still in Fayetteville?” Once I have achieved that goal I will surely be given some position of responsibility, because anyone that hangs around a church long enough gets put to work.
So look out kids! Soon the children’s choir will become the “People with Children’s Choir” and you’ll just have to hum along quietly.

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