Thack You: Waitress!

larry-thack-picture

Larry Thack likes his Coffee brown

Whether traveling to Cuba or Georgia’s top beach, Panama City, you can bet old Thack is going to have a run-in with some waiter or waitress.
Tourist spots seem to serve a lot of fake Coke. Sometimes they just get the mixture wrong, but often it’s just not real. Grinds my gears! One time I called ‘em on it and they brought me another fake Coke with a black straw. I was the only one in the place with a “marked” straw, and I felt the staff’s demon-eyes on me the entire meal.
If you’re fortunate enough to be served a real Coke, you then begin a refill war with your server. They can’t stand it when you refuse a refill, but if you continue sipping the never-ending drink you’ll be a diabetic before the salad arrives. I have taken to hiding my drink behind the napkin holder and a makeshift construction of table menus and cell phones. Seems to work, but some waiters confront me with accusatory tones and stalk away from the table clearly planning their revenge. Once a pleasant indulgence, this force-feeding is now making me sick and worse, causing me to lose my love of the once rare and pleasant taste of the Coke.
Another disappointing thing that happens uniquely at pizza restaurants occurs all over the globe the moment the pizza arrives at the table. The server glides athletically through the restaurant to your table with the pizza. She is smiling from behind the steam which rises like a dense fog from your glorious pie. Red oil from the Pepperoni runs over the side of the well-worn steel sheet that for just an instant almost seems edible as well. The smile suddenly leaves her face when she is met by the site on the table. She looks with puzzled horror at this table that is seemingly incapable of holding the “Chosen Pie”.  For heaven’s sake! There are cups, napkins, various trash, salad dishes, forks, and all sorts of items defending the table from accepting its lord-pizza. She has clearly never confronted this obstacle before and can only stand there in pain. Maybe if they’d get some of those U-shaped things to put the pizza on like a real pizza restaurant, they could advance from being just a pizza parlor.

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